The consensus is everyone loves my dating stories. While they are usually few and far between I thought I'd post to fill ya'll in on my love life. So here goes....
Idiot 1
I actually met a guy out at a bar! Turns out, yes, men do know how to approach a women up here! They just don't know how to pick up a phone and call. They only know how to text. Maybe its a generational thing but I just can't get over it. Anyway....after texting for about a week, we finally made plans to meet. Where does he want to take me, Wick ed Willies, the bar we met at. Now let me set the scene for ya'll. Wicked Willies is exactly what it sounds like. A dive bar, with a horrible cover band, and light up beer pong tables in the back. Needless to say this fella was taking me to classy places! Anyone who knows me, knows I don't need fancy things, so I agreed to meet him. 15 minutes before I was suppose to leave, he text me and cancels. He says his kid is sick. Note to all you young bucks out there, if you call a girl and have an actual conversation, not text-ation, you might end up telling her you have a kid! Needless to say I was shocked by the kid news, and the cancellation. My new years resolution was to not write people off so quick, so I did the mature thing and said I understood, maybe another time, yada yada yada. So we make plans to meet up at the same bar the next week. Again, before we are suppose to meet he calls me and says he can't find a sitter. Funny how he couldn't find a sitter in a week huh. So I politely tell him, my time is valuable and this ain't gonna work out. He starts pleading with me, no let me make it up to you blah blah blah. So at this point I'm just after a free meal. So we make plans the next week to go to a fancier bar! Yes this bar did not have beer pong tables. I made it very clear that if he was to cancel on me again he can just delete my number. I know you guys can see it coming....he cancels again. Below is the exact 4 text, text message I received please note I did not correct the grammar:
Hello! how are you? I hope all is well...I know u told me if I cancel on u one more time that u will not talking to me again well I guess this is good bye and it was pleasure meeting you even though we didn't get a chance to see each other again...I really thought today would have been a easy day for me to hangout but I guess, tomorrow is a better day for me in which we can spend a great quality time together but I know u not going to except that so I like I said earlier in the text it was nice meeting u thank you for ur time that night.
So I immediately deleted his number like I said I would and never responded....fast forward 3 weeks later....this fool text me again. The text chain is as follow once again I did not correct his grammar:
Idiot 1: I was thinking of you over the weekend.
Me: Who is this?
Idiot 1 : Damn you did delete my number...its Idiot 1
Me: So why were you thinking of me
Idiot 1: Cuz I'm still interested.
Me: Sorry buddy you had your shot!
Idiot 1: I'm reaching out to you again, honestly I really wanted to chill with you, I'm not give up, I'm not a quitter
Me: It's really not up to you. U had your shot, I'm over it!
Idiot 1: SMH
(PS I had to google SMH)
Idiot 2
I'm working out at the gym and this trainer dude comes over to me. Yeah yeah I know he wants me to buy sessions, but he offers me a free work out. Shit, I ain't gonna turn down a free anything! Of coarse I get roped into buying 4 sessions, but hey I thought it would help give me some ideas to switch up my work outs, plus he was flirting so I was hoping I would get some more free sessions thrown my way!
So I go for my first official session and we get to talking about how crazy it is a girl like me is single blah blah blah the same shit all guys say. He invites me out to the LES (lower east side for you non-NYers). Says there are tons of nice lounges and I'm sure I'd find a spot I liked. So I said OK lets do it. And here starts the reason I call him Idiot 2.
We meet at a nice restaurant/lounge. First things first, I give him a hug hello and he has BO. Then, ya'll tell me, but if you meet someone at a restaurant at 8pm don't you think you are eating dinner first? Well we didn't. This dude already got 2 strikes, but like I said, I'm trying to be optimistic in my old age. He suggest we sit next to the window and order a glass of sangria. OK this sounds nice. So if you never been to NY they try to cram as many tables and chairs in a spot as they can. So when we sit by the window it is literally lined with 2 seater tables butted against one another. The waiter has to pull a table for me to get to the window seat. So we have our glass of sangria, he proceeds to tell me how he is 44, has a 10 year old son, and use to be and actor. He made $1.5 million dollars as an actor and has invested it into 5 different companies. Next he tells me how he is getting his PHD at Columbia University and considers himself a "life coach". Ah shit, what have I gotten myself into. So after we finish our drinks and he is done analyzing me, he wants to take me to a lounge. You know I really wanted to ask why we weren't eating, but I'm trying not to be a pushy chic anymore. I heard it turns guys off :). So he gets up and starts to leave. He is half way to the door before I yell, um can you help pull the table out so I can join you. I know we are in a world of women's lib, but damn can you help a girl pull out the 50 lb table that has her locked into this freakin' window seat. Shoot!
Next he takes me to a lounge a few doors down. He paid for the sangria so I offer to buy the next round and he accepts. (Remember this for later in the post). I can already tell this is going to be a long night so I order a dirty martini to go with his Hennesy and Coke. Funny how when I offer to pay he gets expensive taste huh. The best part of it all is...the lounge he as brought me to is a GAY one! Now don't get me wrong I love me a gay bar, but to go to a gay bar on a date with a straight man is a bit weird, no? And I'm not talking a bar that has a rainbow sticker on the outside, I'm talking a gay bar that is playing gay porn on the TV! So I ask him, you really come to this place a lot? Its a gay bar right? Yeah but they have good happy hour. Um...so does the straight bar next door. But I'm not trying to judge.
After we leave the gay bar we head to a dive bar up the street. He buys the next round, but I'm thinking I need to keep my wits about me on this date so I order a cider beer, yeah I know real girly. He orders another Henny and Coke. We sit down at a table by the bar and he proceeds to ask me when the last time I had sex was. Damn Gina! Really on a first date! I tell that him, this an inappropriate question and I'm not going to answer it. He still probes me for the answer. After this, him telling me about myself and why I'm still single, and a night of emotionally draining conversations, I officially decide this fool ain't getting a second date and its time to call it a night. Turns out he lives back in Jersey City like me, so we catch a cab to the train and ride back together. I pay for the cab because he got the last round and I don't want this fool to be one up on me in the buying category. We go downstairs to catch the train, and for those who don't know, it is hot as hell down in the subway. So this cat is sweating through his shirt. I'm not talking glistening, this dude is soaking wet! Then he tries to be all up on me and gets upset that I push him away because I don't want his sweaty ass all up on me. Well I guess this hurt his feelings :) He stood on the other side of the train the entire way home. Really, your 44 years old get over it buddy.
So a week goes bye and I don't see him at the gym and he hasn't called. Then I get a text message, from him telling me what a great time he had yada yada yada. Could of fooled me if it took him a week to contact me. Ya'll know I have already wrote this fool off, but I was hungry, so we make plans to meet for lunch after he finishes with a client at the gym. I picked a place close to my house because I am not traveling for this fool. We meet at this Cuban restaurant up by my house called Grove Street Cafe. Now the name of the restaurant is clearly plastered on the awning of the building. This idiot tried to convince me that wasn't the name of the restaurant. I'm already reconsidering if this is worth the free meal.
First he tells me how he dated a woman on-line for 2 years and when she finally came to NY she wouldn't have sex with him because she wasn't comfortable with her body image. Yes folks this is how date number 2 started. Then he proceeds to tell me how his Friday night went. How he went out with one of his male clients to a lesbian bar and how him and his friend had to "pretend" to be gay so the bouncer would let them in. Evidently there are a lot of straight guys that try to get in and see the lesbian action. Seriously I can't make this shit up ya'll. Thank god my lunch came and I could focus on something else. Then he starts to apologize for not calling me and I told him he was lucky I made a my new years resolution, because after last weekend he wouldn't of gotten a second date. Then he asks me what he did wrong. The fact that I have to tell him is bad enough but I believe in reform so I point out all the issues with our first date. Then this fool has the nerve to tell me that as a life coach it is his job to analyze people and people want to know how they are perceived by others. I explain to him that I could care less what other people thought and that any thing he says is strictly his opinion. He again tells me I'm wrong. I just tell him, lets just agree to disagree. I didn't have any energy left to argue. Next he tells me how he is the highest paid trainer at the gym and if he focuses he could make up to $100,000 this year. I simply say that people who throw their money around don't impress me, especially with that amount. So then the check comes. I don't even reach for my purse. He picks up the check, then says to me...and I want you to know I paid for this because I wanted to! Ok well thanks for pointing it out to me that you paid the check. I would of never known unless you told me, thank you. Then he proceeds to tell me he shouldn't of let me pay for anything last week when we went out either. So I answer in my fed up tone, "then you should of manned up and told me to put my wallet away! Don't say you could of should of after the fact. If you want to pay for a woman, you pay for a woman. You don't pay then point out the fact that you paid!" I told him thanks for lunch and I'll see him at the gym. Then he text me and said it was a turn on that no woman had ever put him in his place like that. Then I deleted his number....!
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